Those who criticize stay-at-home mothers often argue that staying at home robs women of the chance to reach fulfilment in life. With me it is the very opposite. When I finished my High School and had to choose a career path, I had no idea what to do. My interests were very broad and I just couldn't decide whom I wanted to become. My father warned me starnly that if I did not act soon being a mom would become my profession and of course he meant it in a very negative way that outside of being a mother I would never accomplish anything in life.
His words partially came true as not long afterwards I met the love of my life, a wonderful man who not only is my loving husband and the father of my children, but who supports me in fulfilling my potential.
Being at home gave me a unique opportunity to find out whom God made me to be, to write, study, and enjoy time with my children. It is something I would never be able to do, had I just gone out to "get a job."
I think many of you should also see the time you stay at home as an opportunity to do something more meaningful with your life than just working for the sake of working. Maybe there is a hobby that you always dreamed of pursuing, but never had the time;or you would like to change your career path, this is great time to do this. And if being at home for your family is what gives you most joy and satisfaction, then there is nothing wrong with that either.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Friday, January 9, 2009
Emotional Health and Parenting
A few days ago, I listened to the lecture by a popular Canadian Medical Doctor and the author of several books,Gabor Mate. He talked about psychological make-up of addicts and he said something that encouraged me as a stay-at-home mother and parent.
He said that people in modern times become so much more vulnerable to addictions when they lack close relationship with their parents; emphasizing that it doesn't pertain only to people who had dysfunctional parents, but also to those who's parents spent most of their time away from the children,working.
A small child or even adolescent doesn't think in terms of having his financial future secured; he just knows that his emotional needs are not met and may even come to conclusion that his parents don't love him since they don't spend time with him very much. And it is that belief of being unloved that drives people towards addictions of various kinds later on in life.
It made me feel vindicated. What I am doing and many of you are doing is investing in our children's emotional health and their future. Saving money for our kids' education is not everything because they will just waste it if they are not emotionally healthy when the time for College or University comes.
I'm not saying that working parents are bad because they work and parent at the same time. If they can still make time to meet their children's emotional needs, then it is great. However, if they can't, then they should not be afraid to decide for one of the parents to stay home.
He said that people in modern times become so much more vulnerable to addictions when they lack close relationship with their parents; emphasizing that it doesn't pertain only to people who had dysfunctional parents, but also to those who's parents spent most of their time away from the children,working.
A small child or even adolescent doesn't think in terms of having his financial future secured; he just knows that his emotional needs are not met and may even come to conclusion that his parents don't love him since they don't spend time with him very much. And it is that belief of being unloved that drives people towards addictions of various kinds later on in life.
It made me feel vindicated. What I am doing and many of you are doing is investing in our children's emotional health and their future. Saving money for our kids' education is not everything because they will just waste it if they are not emotionally healthy when the time for College or University comes.
I'm not saying that working parents are bad because they work and parent at the same time. If they can still make time to meet their children's emotional needs, then it is great. However, if they can't, then they should not be afraid to decide for one of the parents to stay home.
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Enter Your Child's World
Being at home full time during our child's formative years gives us great opportunity to create strong bonds with them that will sustain the relationship in many years ahead, especially when any type of crisis comes.
We can enter our chid's world by playing with them often, watching their favorite shows, and by talking with them on regular basis on their level. It seems like something simple that every parent does,but many don't do. I hear often from children who complain about their parents not playing with them.
Few years ago, when my daughters were two and three years old, my friends daughter also came sometimes to our home. I usually played games with them and had loads of fun doing it. Once she said to me, "I really like to come here because you play with me; my Mom never plays with me."
It was a said statement to hear. We parents sometimes can get so busy to take care of our family's physical and material needs that we don't have any time left to meet their emotional needs. If we make effort, however, to meet these needs we will avert many future problems in the relationship with our kids.
They need to know that we know and care about them. They want to feel we understand them, then they will come to us for support even during their teenage years. So, let us sometimes be kids again and just have fun !
We can enter our chid's world by playing with them often, watching their favorite shows, and by talking with them on regular basis on their level. It seems like something simple that every parent does,but many don't do. I hear often from children who complain about their parents not playing with them.
Few years ago, when my daughters were two and three years old, my friends daughter also came sometimes to our home. I usually played games with them and had loads of fun doing it. Once she said to me, "I really like to come here because you play with me; my Mom never plays with me."
It was a said statement to hear. We parents sometimes can get so busy to take care of our family's physical and material needs that we don't have any time left to meet their emotional needs. If we make effort, however, to meet these needs we will avert many future problems in the relationship with our kids.
They need to know that we know and care about them. They want to feel we understand them, then they will come to us for support even during their teenage years. So, let us sometimes be kids again and just have fun !
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Reality Discipline
Besides wonderful precious moments with our children, we have on daily basis also to discipline our children. It takes a lot of wisdom and energy to do it in a positive and constructive way.
One of the best books I have ever read on discipline is "Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours" by Dr. Kevin Leman. It represents the kind of parenting style that we have adopted in our family. It helps us not only to guide our children as they grow, but also to build deep relationship with them.
Most people think of discipline as something negative like yelling, spanking, and punishment. But it doesn't have to be that way. Dr. Leman makes the case that consequences should replace yelling and punishment because this is the way the world works. If your child as an adult is irresponsible at work, he will simply lose his job;his boss will not be yelling at him and begging him to do what he should.
It is very practical book for all parents, and especially helpful for the mothers who left their careers to be with their children. These children are not used to having their moms at home, and will try to test their boundaries with them.
If you are in this situation, then this book will help you to bring structure to your family.
All the Best!
One of the best books I have ever read on discipline is "Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours" by Dr. Kevin Leman. It represents the kind of parenting style that we have adopted in our family. It helps us not only to guide our children as they grow, but also to build deep relationship with them.
Most people think of discipline as something negative like yelling, spanking, and punishment. But it doesn't have to be that way. Dr. Leman makes the case that consequences should replace yelling and punishment because this is the way the world works. If your child as an adult is irresponsible at work, he will simply lose his job;his boss will not be yelling at him and begging him to do what he should.
It is very practical book for all parents, and especially helpful for the mothers who left their careers to be with their children. These children are not used to having their moms at home, and will try to test their boundaries with them.
If you are in this situation, then this book will help you to bring structure to your family.
All the Best!
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Precious Moments
There is nothing more fulfilling than feeling a gentle kiss of my child on my cheeks every morning, or having her come up on my lap and say, " I love you Mommy, you are the best in the world", with her beautiful smile on her cute face, and say it without any particular reason.
It just melts my heart and makes me forget all the difficulties of working at home full-time. The greatest thing about it is that I enjoy so many of these moments each day. The depth of relationship we create by spending so much time with our children is one of the greatest rewards of stay-at-home lifestyle and of motherhood in general.
It just melts my heart and makes me forget all the difficulties of working at home full-time. The greatest thing about it is that I enjoy so many of these moments each day. The depth of relationship we create by spending so much time with our children is one of the greatest rewards of stay-at-home lifestyle and of motherhood in general.
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Making Time for Yourself
Just because we are with our kids full time doesn't mean that they have to be the center of the universe. As a matter of fact, when we make time for ourselves, we can do our mothering much better.
If your husband is able to relieve you on regular basis , or if you have other family members to help you out, it is great. But it is also important for your kids to know that they need to respect your private time daily.
They can be thought independence even if you are most of the time there for them. From the time my two daughters Estera and Grace were babies, I would teach them to let me do things around the house, read, pray or talk on the phone. I would of course never ignore them and spend time cuddling, tending to their needs, reading , and playing with them. However, I also encouraged them to have some time on their own (still within my view), playing in their crib, crawling around, play together, and now that they have grown; they read books or study when I need to tend to my own needs.
It gives me much needed brake and helps them not to be overly dependent on my constatnt attention giving them the idea that they need to give other people space. We shouldn't allow ourselves to become the slaves of our children just because we are at home full-time with them. We can still develop our personal gifts and talents that could even translate into work out of home. There are so many possibilities that we can explore, if we don't get discouraged by distorted views of others on what it means to be a stay-at-home Mom.
If your husband is able to relieve you on regular basis , or if you have other family members to help you out, it is great. But it is also important for your kids to know that they need to respect your private time daily.
They can be thought independence even if you are most of the time there for them. From the time my two daughters Estera and Grace were babies, I would teach them to let me do things around the house, read, pray or talk on the phone. I would of course never ignore them and spend time cuddling, tending to their needs, reading , and playing with them. However, I also encouraged them to have some time on their own (still within my view), playing in their crib, crawling around, play together, and now that they have grown; they read books or study when I need to tend to my own needs.
It gives me much needed brake and helps them not to be overly dependent on my constatnt attention giving them the idea that they need to give other people space. We shouldn't allow ourselves to become the slaves of our children just because we are at home full-time with them. We can still develop our personal gifts and talents that could even translate into work out of home. There are so many possibilities that we can explore, if we don't get discouraged by distorted views of others on what it means to be a stay-at-home Mom.
Friday, June 27, 2008
It's a Full-Time Job !
Being a parent and especially being stay-at-home mother is a full-time job. Any mother can bear witness to that fact. And it is not easy to this job well. We become nearly everything, accountants, early childhood educators, sometimes teachers, child psychologists, nutritionists , and cooks. Who said it doesn't involve any risks?
It is a huge risk. We can raise succsesful and emotionally mature people as a gift to the society; or we can create a problem in a society by releasing to it immature and very hurt people who fail because their charracter was never developed properly.
Now I admire the women who do this and also have a full-time carrer on their hands. They have two full-time jobs! Not every woman can handle both well. I'm one of them. That's why women who work outside their family should never judge the one who decides to stay at home and vice versa.
It is a huge risk. We can raise succsesful and emotionally mature people as a gift to the society; or we can create a problem in a society by releasing to it immature and very hurt people who fail because their charracter was never developed properly.
Now I admire the women who do this and also have a full-time carrer on their hands. They have two full-time jobs! Not every woman can handle both well. I'm one of them. That's why women who work outside their family should never judge the one who decides to stay at home and vice versa.
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